Hurry Up and Wait (and a sidestep to hater-ville)

Yesterday I was so productive - after having a red bull in the morning...I was zoomin all over checking everything off my 'to do' list.  Now I'm just sitting here waiting for a package to arrive.  I've played some World of Warcraft for most of the day so far (working on my mage - holla if you're excited about Cataclysm around the corner!). 

To get out of the slump - I start making a 'to do' list and start feeling like this kid looks:

This is a huge drawback of working at home.  So many distractions - cats and laundry and errands and no one believing you if you say you have to work because they think you sit at home and do nothing lol.  If I had a little commute to work, the washer and dryer would be a little harder to reach and nothing but work could be on my mind at the moment.

At this point, I do have the logo, the website, a whole ton of information at the ready, and everything else...is in my head.  I have written various thoughts down, but no real work beyond that has taken place on the site.  The first day of real work is slated to start when I have my office clean.  It is very close. 

I have a handful of things that need doing and I find myself truly not wanting to do them.  After much start and stop, I had to take a step back and reflect on why I am having a 'blockage' of sorts.  Why am I making this an obstacle when it really isn't?

Suddenly, at what could be the beginning of it all, instead of rushing to get everything done so I can get a move on - I find myself in my baggiest and comfiest of pj's, thinking of ordering a pizza because I'd rather not get dressed and leave the house today. 

Logic: So if I'm looking for ways to be more comfortable, that must mean I am counteracting something very uncomfortable.  Or maybe my head is not where it needs to be for the first steps to take place. 

I have been struggling with needing vs. not needing approval.  In today's 'it's all about me' society - it feels like a tug of war.  On one side me, the other - the world.  Do I include others on the journey to the top?  Do I let them see my hardships and do I admit my failures?  Or do I dress for success and pretend everything is perfect - not to be misleading, but to be optimistic?  You know - that whole dress for the job two levels above the one that you want thing?

The problem is - if people see you are doing well, they will point their attention toward those less fortunate who actually happen to be equal in fortune to you.  For lack of a better phrase - 'the squeaky wheel gets the grease'.  It seems we like people on one side of the spectrum or the other.  Rich or poor.  Strong or weak.  Mediocrity is not rewarded.

So do I become proud and independent to be labeled by 'haters' as pompous and arrogant or do I become giggly and humble to be seen as weak and unconcerned? 

Ideally I'd like to be somewhere in the middle.  I see myself as somewhere in the middle.  Accessible and down to earth in a down-to-business kind of way.  But the thing is, haters are gonna hate.  Everyone needs to be an authority on something and usually the perfect opportunity for these vultures (these vultures being humans) is a spot behind a computer screen with a pseudo name and a bad attitude.

I'm taking a page from Pollyanna and playing the glad game today.  I'm taking a page from Alice and believing six impossible things today.  I'm taking a page from Kandee and knowing that all the manure in my life will produce pretty flowers soon and that a broken mirror produces more shimmers.  I'm taking a page from Frank and knowing that the best is yet to come.  Takin a page from Eminem because I'm not afraid.  And finally...I'm taking a page from Jay-Z and gettin that dirt off my shoulder today.  <----clicky that link if you don't know what it means.

Those of you who are sensitive - EXPLICIT LYRICS - Don't click play if you will get offended.


Love & Gratitude,
Erica Nicole