Why?

Why should Small Goalz exist?  Why am I moving forward with this?  Why do I believe in this so much?

I was lost. 
After rifling through so many ideas of what my future career should be - what I was meant to do with my life...

I got depressed.  When I started thinking I'll never be who or what I want to be...I'll never look the way I want.  Why even try?

The funny part of it was that I did keep trying - to find myself, my profitable talents, my likes and dislikes.  It felt like I kept trying in vain.  I kept delving into self help books.  I lapped up any meaningful quote or speech.  I wanted to hear everything anyone who had started with nothing but rose to success had on their minds.  All the while I let everything else in my life falter. 

I was getting worse and worse at social skills - the few that I did have.  I became a recluse.  The 'pretty' that I worked for after graduating high school was going away - the figure, the fitness...I was after something a little deeper all the while getting more and more depressed because I couldn't have it all at once.  Why couldn't I keep my looks while going on a significantly personal journey toward fulfillment?  I just didn't see how I could do this and that and be here and there all at once...

It was like my mind was going 90 to nothing, but my outward features and personality didn't match what was in my head - my expressions were not my own - they were on auto-pilot.  I dare to say, it was kind of what I think an autistic person is like.  The house (mind) is definitely a rockin' but the outside world is not invited. The difference was, I could still put on a show on the outside that satisfied the public, my friends, and family enough so that they weren't quite ready to commit me.

But I did find what I was meant to do and I'm sure by just skipping to this point - the happy ending, it feels like I'm glossing over a significant piece of my journey - the hardships and lessons that got me to this moment.  Well I definitely am taking a more direct course and summarizing a bit as to not write a whole novel here.  I don't mean to cheat anyone out of the juicy details - but they'll come out as this blog continues and the site takes shape.

The point is - that journey - those thoughts - those lessons...all of it showed me step by step while I was searching that      1.)  I may have eventually found myself, but I didn't do it alone.  and       2.)   Because this process is so exhaustive and emotionally charged - I let other important aspects of my life fly out the window. 

I don't believe I am damaged beyond repair - at least not anymore.  Through the help of some amazing people and resources in my life - I am building back those things I lost during the time of self-discovery - my fitness and general health being the most obvious. 

I typed all of that above - to get to this:

This site I am creating comes from what I needed during that process.  I needed it, but it wasn't out there - believe me, I searched for it.  Even if someday something similar pops up - it can never be the same - this is all from my mind.  Of course if it's a direct copy I'm sure there will be lawsuits involved ha ha.

I know there are people out there just like me and I know there will be more of them.  The housewives who feel like they've given up their dreams, careers, and social lives for the lives of their families (when most of the time our families just want to see us be happy - but that doesn't stop the negative self-talk).  The ADHD teens and adults who feel lazy and stupid, but who definitely are not.  The depressed people who feel like getting out of bed is a chore.  And any combination of those and more. 

If you could have a free tool to bring a spark to your day and make you productive - would you want it?  Would you use it?

Hopefully by October 31, 2011, if all goes well - you'll have it.  And so far - things are going well.  Believe me - I'd love to get it out there right now.  For those out there hurting at this moment or just bored out of their minds, frustrated and overwhelmed - feel free to contact me and I'll let you in on some of the things that helped me.  You can also read this blog - the older posts too - I mention some of the things I do to make things easier. 

Love & Gratitude,
Erica Nicole